The "Friend" by Joe Shmoe

Like many times upon an afternoon, I sat secluded, eyes red and teary,

Surfing the endless waves of monotonous social networking-

When quite suddenly I stirred, as quite annoyingly there came a prodding,

This prodding caught me while I was nodding, nodding yet not sleeping...

The abrupt prodding was a poke, a poking on my Facebook Wall.

Out of annoyance I chose to abstain, tis just another "friend" that pokes on my Facebook Wall,

Yet alas, this "friend" could not refrain, as again there came a poking, a poking on my Facebook Wall.

I cried out, and typed an annoyed response to said "friend", desiring peace on my weary afternoon.

I soon tried to recant my message, feeling that my annoyance may have been derived from my Nalgene concoction...

Hurriedly I poured through my "friends" list, and to my despair, I saw an empty file where this "friend" used to reside.

Again I sent a message, imploring the "friend" to return, while I waited, abated, longing for a response belated.

Soon came reply, emotion took me and me eyes began to cry, 

The response was simple, as it stated, "Get Bent!"

"You must forgive, for you caught me while I was nodding which annoyed me of your prodding!"

"How can I repay you? Can we ever be "friends" again? Just give me one hint?"

Here again came the response, "Get Bent!"

The "Friend" Meta-Commentary

     This short poem, The "Friend" by Joe Shmoe, is a parody of Edgar Allen Poe's, The Raven. It is a parody because it uses similar structure and flow as "The Raven" and incorporates contemporary pop culture to create a humorous piece of literature. Most of the lines in "The "Friend"" follow closely to the first few stanzas of Poe's "Raven", which starts, "Once upon a midnight dreary"(Poe), like Shmoe's, "Like many times upon an afternoon, I sat secluded" and then moving on to, "eyes red and teary"(Shmoe) which compares to, "weak and weary"(Poe), Poe uses alliteration like this throughout the entire poem but Shmoe uses his words to compare to "The Raven" while they mean or exaggerate something else entirely. Shmoe also uses alliteration in the line, "while I waited, abated, longing for a response belated"(Shmoe). In the line, "eyes red and teary" makes a comical jest of staring endless hours at TV and computer screens and how ones eyes tend to dry out, getting red and thus tearing from not blinking. Shmoe's next line uses metaphor to compare the action of searching the internet and endless online social networking to the water sport, surfing and waves. In "The Raven" Poe uses the term, refrain, with the lines, "Knocking on my chamber door" and "Nevermore!", the lines appear throughout the entire poem with slight variation. Shmoe tries to tackle this idea of refrain with the lines, "Poking on my Facebook Wall" and "Get Bent!" which appear a few times in his short poem. Another comparison is Shmoe's use of the "Nalgene concoction" which highlights the ever popular personal beverage container of today to Poe's use of "quaff" or drink in "The Raven".

     Overall I think Shmoe's short poem tries to "poke" fun at the popular fad of online social networking and how reliant people become to this online socializing. Here this person is mulling through the known monotony of social networking for endless hours, their eyes try and irritated, and almost falling asleep. Then one of their so called friends "pokes" them through Facebook startling them from their sleep, and the "poking" continues which drives the person to reply in annoyance, where the so called "friend" drops their online friendship. So now the person frantically tries to patch whatever friendship they had by apologizing, trying to save their cyber connection, but the friend replies,"Get Bent!" or rather, "forget it, we are through". I think this states plainly our reliance on cyber relationships and that online social networking is very impersonal, and only if we have physical contact with one another can we truly know one another, and understand one another. Text and typing can only get so much across, whereas actions speak a thousand words.

Let's Stay Captive by Mr. Robert Learner

Aug. 22:      Alas, here I sit, another desk, another notebook, another lame teacher. It has been nye seventeen years since I was thrust into this infernal system, I was told, "Education is Power!" but what power is there when still I struggle through another tireless semester of endless ink covered pages and mundane essays, just striving to get a passing grade by pleasing the certain professor. I do not see power in this education, only a cage of waste...

Sep. 1:     Second week of the semester, already slammed with endless reading. The teachers try to justify there horrendous work load, saying that even though there was a lot to cover that it was all necessary, exciting, and engaging material(the only excitement I got out of it was when I found out we would not have to take a quiz over it...).

Sep. 8:     Still staring at the wall... I counted 543 bricks on the south wall today, same as yesterday... Professors are starting to assign essays, another lame topic, it would be nice to write about self and discovery, why must we discuss capital punishment?

Sep. 18:      I paid for this class, over a weeks worth of pay, and yet still our professor cannot start on time, why teach if you are not prepared? I sure pay plenty for an education, it would be nice if the money I gave went to quality teachers that strive to teach and help the students. Instead of professors that do not give me the time of day, I should know by now, I am never right, they get paid to teach so they are always right... and then when you are prepared, why test on material that is not pertinent to what we have covered? If I am paying for class, why would I want to waste nearly eight hours a week studying for a class and material that does not even pertain to what is tested on?

Sep. 26:     Argued with a teacher today about the grading system, I give correct answers that I derived from methods logical to me, but because I did not get to the same correct answer her way, I failed. I thought education was to teach us life skills, and how to solve problems, to get to answers from our learned knowledge... This system makes us grade mongers, it drives us to get that simple red "A" at the top of everything. Why are we not awarded for giving our best, like our Lord Jesus Christ does. I wonder if dropping out and becoming a priest would be more rewarding?...Teachers and Professors let our seeds fall to the way-side and try to make them grow in the stony ground rather than cultivating our knowledge and fertilizing our minds with pertinent knowledge, our education needs to grow but how can it when our teachers fail to help us grow?

Oct. 4:     I could hardly pay the bills this week, I am eating a strict diet of Cup'O'Noodles and water these few weeks. I wonder if my brain power will decrease from such quality meals... It is hard trying to stay in school, trying to get a better education, and still stay ahead of bills. I wonder if I lose my strength how ever I will survive? I cannot afford to miss even an hour from work just to pay off bills and school, nothing is left for my personal health. It would be easier to drop out, forget all of these worthless papers and tests and just work full time, excel in my workplace... But will I make enough money to support my family? I need a job that will allow my children to live without fearing if there will be food on the dinner table. Maybe suffering through this system will payoff...  

Oct. 28:     I have been too busy to write, we have been over loaded with cryptic readings and projects that were the only bearable because we could choose them as long as they connected to the class. I of course chose a topic the professor showed interest in earlier. I fluffed it a bit, schmoozed him by bringing his favorite cookies to the class, and voila, another shiny red "A"... I wonder how much longer I will have to put up this front? How long do I need to fake interest? Most teachers are blind, blind to false interest, as long as we ask intriguing questions, make a controversial comment or two during class, or any other way to show them that we are engaging the material. But in reality we all know that these classes are fake, we all want out, we all want something real.

     Real. What is real? I go to church every Sunday, I pray, and I have fellowship with God fearing people. It is the most real part of my busy life. Some may think it is strange that I find a religion more real than education and such things as the sciences. Education is alive, your brain can participate and see the text in front of you, hear the professor teach the subject, touch the pages that you have written, test the experiments you have created. and those same people argue that religion is fake, God cannot be touched, you can not call him on a telephone, God cannot make a DVD of his miracles to prove himself, therefore God is fake because it takes imaginative faith to believe in him. But I argue that the so called "real"ness of education is in fact a farce. We do not engage ourselves in this system, this system has driven us off, mentally we checked out eleven years ago. We checked out in the first few years of our educational journey, but still we plod through the halls and through the doors of lecture rooms. For what?

Nov. 15:      I have an "A" in my math course! I started off slow but soon I discovered how the professor taught and then how they tested, which interestingly enough, they were two completely different things. But now I have learned the way to step through her hoops and then how to answer her questions so I get full credit. This seems pretty common for most professors, it takes a bit to learn the professor, and then only after you learn your professor can you engage the material. Every professor is different and everyone grades completely different. I think I can pass another semester... 

Dec. 1:      I remember when I used to sit at home and read Archie comic books and bake cookies with my mum. Things were simple and care free. Now I have to stress about Finals and semester projects. I do not think I have wasted as much time in my life on anything less fulfilling, all you do is stress and stress over tests that cover old and more mundane material. When will it be over?....

Dec. 15:      Finished with my finals, tired... Passed another semester...

Jan. 15:     Alas, here I sit....

Meta-Commentary on Lets's Stay Captive

     This fictional short is a slight parody of captivity narratives and how our current educational system represents the cage that is binding our youth, or rather, our youth are being forced into captivity. A captivity narrative covers many things but some of the main themes of a captivity narrative are the idea of being unable to resist or to fully submit, balancing freedom and the suffrage of escape, using his/her condition as a symbol or model for others suffering, and growing in spiritual strength from the suffering and torment. All of these can be seen in Mr. Robert Learners' story, Let's Stay Captive, and such narratives as Frederick Douglass and Mary Rowlandson. Rowlandson shares her narrative as a symbol for good Christian believers and how one could stay pure in the face of captivity of evil "savages"(Rowlandson). She often referred to her faith in God saving her or carrying her through her ordeal, at one point she said of her captivity, "the Lord upheld my Spirit, under this discouragement"(Rowlandson). It is interesting that a even during poor conditions and poor treatment one can keep such a high regard to God and their faith in him. This is similar to Learner's story when he mentions his faith in God being "real" while the educational system, or his cage, was a farce or fake. Here a man is living his life in school and constant education, but he found his spiritual faith more rewarding than the textbook in front of him. Frederick Douglass stated that, "A mere look, word, or motion,--a mistake, accident, or want of power,--are all matters for which a slave may be whipped at any time” (Douglass), this is an example of the torment and brutality of captivity, like when Mr. Learner discusses how the professors fail to listen to students or even help them, and also the brutal work load that is placed on students that prevents them from getting enough time to support themselves. Learner also explores the possibilities of dropping out(escaping) and what hardships that would entail such as, the lack of education would result in a job that could not support a family enough to even get enough food on the table. This is similar to the captivity narrative idea of balancing freedom to the perils and torment of escape and captivity. Learner is also speaking in terms of not only himself but the entire population of students thrust into the flawed educational system, even his name is a false hope, how can he truly be a "learner" when he is captive to a false system that fails to teach? Overall Learner is trying to symbolize his own struggle to that of all students which is another comparison to captivity narratives which use one persons story to symbolize an entire peoples struggle. Mr. Learner also uses allusion when he mentions students knowledge as a seed that has been cast on the "way-side" by the professors and that they lack the care to nurture there knowledge so that it flourishes. This is an allusion because it is similar to the parable of the sower and the seed in the Gospel of Matthew(13: 1-23).  

Poke Photograph http://8.mshcdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/Facebookpoke.png

Captivity Photograph http://www.conspireforchange.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/Abduct22.jpg